You know what I love? People who are unapologetically themselves. People who are confident and don’t try to be someone else. So when one of my close friends told me she loved how I “lived out loud” and didn’t apologize for who I was, I took that as a huge compliment. And of course, it got me thinking about things I do that others may find surprising. Things I don’t compromise on and things I definitely do not apologize for. Since I’m a huge nerd, I had to make a list:
- Making my husband #1: My husband and my marriage are my #1 priority. Everything else is second, or somewhere way down the list. If our relationship isn’t going well, everything else falls apart. We’ve learned that the hard way. So now, we put our relationship first. That means being more intentional about it- planning time together and communicating on things we don’t always like to talk about. You know, feelings and such. We try to make our marriage better and better instead of staying in the same place. Someday, we’ll even figure out a plan for supper!
- Being a stepmom: I refuse to feel “less than” because I’m a stepmom. When people first find out you’re a stepmom, say one of 2 things. 1) “Oh I bet you’re more than just a stepmom!” or 2) “Oh God…that sounds awful!” First of all, I’m not more than a stepmom. I don’t need you to console me over being a stepmom. My main role in my family is a support system for my husband (see above!). People associate a stepmom with Cindarella’s story which is probably another reason I hate Disney. I don’t sit around stroking my black cat and yelling at my stepkids to clean the baseboards. Unless they want to earn some money- I’d probably be willing to bribe them. Oh- and while you’re at it, DO NOT call me a “bonus mom.” Although I’m not completely evil, I’m also no bonus. There’s such a stigma with the stepmom role and I get tired of it. I’m a stepmom, not a mom, and that’s how I live my life. Note- this could be a whole other blog post.
- Pursuing goals: Some of my goals include being in great shape, posting more on my blog, and paying off some debt. Those are things that make me happy. Those are things that make me feel alive. One of my major goals is to write a book about being a childless stepmom. Don’t ask me how I’m going to do this, I’ll figure it out eventually .
- Having a nice house: I’m no Joanna Gaines, but I feel like your home should be a place of enjoyment. Therefore, my husband and I are closing on a new house next week. We had it built and we got to choose EVERYTHING. For years we lived in an old house that I hated. He had lived there with his ex and it never felt like mine. Look, I put in my time there. After 10 years of marriage, we are finally getting “our house”. We’ve worked hard to be able to afford it and I’m gonna enjoy every second of it. Except moving. I won’t enjoy that part…
- Being high maintenance: I’ve been called high maintenance more than once in my lifetime. An old boyfriend used to complain about the time I took to fix my hair and put on makeup. Well, that’s me. I don’t feel completely ready for the day until my makeup is on. Please note that some days my hair is just shoved under a baseball hat! I choose to spend my money on getting my nails and hair done on a regular basis. And here’s a shocker- I get Botox. Yes, I said it. I’d like to get it more often, but it’s not cheap. I don’t think women should have to apologize for something they do to make themselves look and feel their best. I’d get a breast augmentation if I could afford it now too. Who knows? Maybe someday I will.
- Being a neat freak: My mom always kept a tidy house. Even when she was a single mom with two bratty pre-teen daughters. I like a clean house. I like having things picked up. When I wake up in the morning and see mess, my blood pressure immediately rises and my day starts off shitty. It should be noted that right now, we’re packing to move and my house is a mess…and yes, it’s giving me anxiety. I also pay for a house cleaning service every other week. This was my husband’s idea and it’s his best idea ever! Every two weeks, the service comes in and mops, cleans bathrooms, dusts, and does baseboards. They make the beds perfectly and it feels really good to have a super clean house.
- Living long distance from my family: When people found out we were moving to Arkansas, they immediately asked me what my family thought of it. Guess what? They were happy for me! They knew that my husband and I didn’t love living in a small town and could see we would be happier somewhere else. This winter, they were jealous because while they were stuck in a polar vortex of cold, I was running around in 60 degree temps. I miss my family sometimes and maybe they miss me too. My mom said everybody asks her if she’s sad that we moved, and she’s not. She can see how much happier I am. No need to apologize for that either.
While you’re at it, pick up a copy of Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis. I just started it but already love it! There’s a reason she writes best selling books. Her book is full of practical advice on how you can stop apologizing for who you are and start living your best life. Does it sound cheesy? Maybe, but she’s on the best seller list and runs a killer company and I don’t. I’m willing to take her advice.
** All opinions in this blog are my own. I think that’s pretty obvious. Also, I’m not paid for this post. Unless you want to pay me for my opinions. I have plenty**