I was just looking back on my first blog posts and I had said that 2018 started out as a shitstorm. 2019 is starting out the same. Not the same things but it’s still a shitstorm. Yesterday, I got turned down for sales job I’d love.
Disappointed is an understatement. I’ve wanted a job like this for years so I kept praying this was my opportunity. I’d always had the attitude that waiting would be worth it and I’d get a job I loved. So when I did 3 – yes 3 – interviews with this company, I was thinking this was it. I knew they were interviewing others so I knew it wasn’t a 100% certain situation but damn, really? Now it’s back to the job search. Actually, I gave myself 24 hours to have a pity party over but now 24 hours is up so it’s back to the job search. Throw in some other family issues and you’ve got yourself a recipe for despair.
Look, I’m gonna say it- dealing with rejection sucks. Whether it’s rejection from a relative, a job, or just life in general, it blows. I’m normally a pretty positive person and can find the good side in anything, but lately, I can’t. I’ve been trying to listen to positive podcasts, reading uplifting things, and listing things I’m grateful for. I’ve never had a problem finding a job. I’ve normally been working one job, and had someone from another company or department within a company come and ASK me to apply. So this just blows. I don’t want to take a job I hate. I’d love to have a career that I am passionate about. I keep seeing other people who love their jobs and excel and wonder why I can’t. It’s embarrassing to tell people I’m not working right now. I’m ashamed of it. For the most part, I’ve gotten over what others think of me, but I feel sooooo much shame when someone asks what I do and I say I don’t have a job. I’m a college educated woman with experience in insurance and bond underwriting and sales. By most calculations, I should have a damn good job by now. I’ve applied for things I qualify for and I’m not getting the job. And after every rejection, I keep going back and wondering what I could have done differently. The answer is – nothing. I did everything I could, each and every time. I have to learn to be ok with that.
I read a lot of blogs and a lot of books and there are so many women out there making a living by simply being themselves. Interesting, isn’t it? My mind immediately goes to Jen Lancaster as she is one of my favorite authors. She had a pretty high powered job and got fired after 9/11. Shortly after that, her husband got fired too. Now she’s a best selling author and I love her writing. My mom told me last night it seems like I should be an entrepreneur. I’d love to write a book or make this blog my living, but right now that’s not happening. Does it mean I’ll quit trying? No. Hey- I’ve got time on my hands! I keep telling myself that someday I’ll be glad for this time and that I’m going to learn from it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard while you’re going through it. I’d love to find some Pinterest worthy quote to insert here but they all seem cheesy now. Cue the eye rolls. And although friends and family mean well, you can only hear ,”Stay positive!” so many times. The comments I appreciate the most are when someone says, “F***, that sucks” and lets me feel my feelings for a bit. One of my friends actually said,” You’re not housewife material.” I laughed out loud and agreed with her! Another said, “You’ve grieved less when a guy breaks up with you than you’re grieving about this job thing.” That’s probably true too. Which makes me sound kind of heartless. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been accused of that.
So what it all boils down to is- what the heck am I going to do about it? Well, first and foremost, I’m gonna keep searching. Duh! I may also go volunteer somewhere just to get myself out of the house and meeting people. Maybe something will happen there. I know there is a world of possibilities out there and that I probably just haven’t found the right thing yet. And when I do? Well, then I’ll just be that much happier. My cousin and I were texting and we said we were going to become motivational speakers. However, our tag line would be something more like,” F*** this, let’s go have a drink!” Wonder if anyone would pay to listen to that?
** It’s pretty obvious I don’t make $$ from this. I don’t know why I put this disclaimer here at all…**